Scarlett Smith is a fourth-year Nursing student and varsity soccer player for the AV俱乐部 Tiger. She is also a lead for AV俱乐部鈥檚 S (SAMHI) campus team. The team also supported Bell Let's Talk Day at the Dal Tigers/Saint Mary's Huskies hockey game Wednesday night.
Read more: Dal athletes making a difference in student mental health
With Wednesday being we鈥檙e re-posting Scarlett鈥檚 essay on her own mental health experiences, which was first posted on the earlier this month.
I believe being an athlete is one of the greatest gifts life can offer to us. It shapes us as human beings, teaches us valuable lessons, and creates some of the most significant memories that we will carry with us forever. I have absolutely loved being an athlete all my life, and I am so honoured and grateful to have been able to be a part of the varsity women鈥檚 soccer program at my university for the past four years.
That being said, there are also certain aspects of being an athlete that can often get overlooked. Student-athletes are placed on a platform by their university, coaches, teammates and community members. They have a job to do: to perform, win games and become champions. It鈥檚 to do well in the classroom and get involved in their community. When a student-athlete can鈥檛 perform in these settings, it is seen as a failure or weakness. It can jeopardize playing time, and can cause us to become concerned with how we are perceived by our coaches, peers and community at large.
A mistake we tend to make is forgetting the simple fact these individuals are human. They fit into the same stats as the rest of the population when it comes to living with a mental health issue. They can suffer just like everyone else, but they have the added pressure of appearing to be tough, unbreakable, and in control, no matter what they may be going through. This is what we鈥檙e told constitutes a good athlete. While it鈥檚 true those are good attributes to have, we must take a step back and see the athlete as a human being. A belief exists that when an athlete steps on the court, field, or ice they flick a switch and the only thing on their mind is the game. Sometimes this just isn鈥檛 an option.
Mental illness doesn鈥檛 take a time out or ride the bench for that person. It鈥檚 there, and it can be completely debilitating. Mental toughness can only shield you from a mental health problems for so long, and not taking care of it early can actually make it worse.
Do more
Over the years, we have moved mountains as a society to open up a conversation surrounding mental health and its importance. I am so proud to attend a university that makes the mental health of their students and student-athletes a priority.
However, we can always do more to help those suffering get through the day. We can ask them how they鈥檙e really doing, and offer a shoulder to cry on when they need it. We can pull a teammate aside after practice and check on them if we notice they seem off. We don鈥檛 have to know exactly what to say to make them feel better, or give them advice. What we can do is listen to them. We can let them know they are not alone and their feelings are valid; that we鈥檙e there for them ready and willing to keep them safe.
Hiding the grief
My drive from and passion for the promotion and protection of mental health issues comes from my personal life. Multiple of my immediate family members struggle with mental health issues, including myself. My family has been through a lot with my dad being the victim of two drunk driving car accidents and my brothers fight with an extremely rare disease. The weight has affected us.
I didn鈥檛 realize until I got to university I also struggle with my own mental health. With everything going on I would numb my emotions and hide them from others in order to portray the image of being strong and having it all together. I wouldn鈥檛 let myself feel things because it was easier than accepting all the grief present in my life and trying to explain it to other people. It was easier to be numb than sad and overwhelmed.
I remember one of our first home games this season we were cooling down and my coach pulled me aside. She looked me dead in the eye and said, 鈥淵ou know Scarlett, it鈥檚 okay to be sad. You don鈥檛 have to hold it together all the time.鈥�
I looked back at her through tears and said, 鈥淏ut I don鈥檛 want to be sad, I don鈥檛 want people to worry about me.鈥� She told me she knew I didn鈥檛 want to be, but sometimes you just have to accept you are and take the proper steps to take care of yourself. The weeks leading up to that I was really struggling, and it showed on and off the field. Having a coach who recognized that and supported me was a game changer.
High-functioning but struggling
While I deal with mental health issues, I won鈥檛 say I鈥檝e dealt with them as intensely as others. I can not attest to the feeling of being at such a low point I can鈥檛 see the light anywhere, or get out of bed in the morning. For those people who do feel that, I want them to know how strong they are for fighting one of the toughest battles out there.
But I can say I struggle. I experience anxiety and suffer from bouts of depression. You would likely have a hard time knowing this unless I told you. My therapist described it as high-functioning. It鈥檚 there, but the mechanism I take is overloading myself with so much so I don鈥檛 have to be alone with what I鈥檓 feeling. It may not sound bad, but it can be. The anxiety is present more often, where I over think and over analyze constantly. It stems from what I鈥檝e been through in the past, and the pressure to be 鈥榩erfect.鈥� I needed to be a good athlete, student, community member, family member and friend, all while I was feeling overwhelmed and sad.
I did exactly what I tell other people not to do. I bottled it up. I was able to convince my family I was okay when they were worried about me. I didn鈥檛 talk to anyone about how I was feeling. I was helping other friends and teammates through their own struggles yet I wasn鈥檛 paying attention to myself. I didn鈥檛 want to admit I was having a hard time. I wasn鈥檛 supposed to have mental health issues.
The breaking point
This year I hit my breaking point and realized it was time to start taking care of myself. I didn鈥檛 want to be numb anymore, and bottling things up became impossible. I needed professional help.
So I got it, and I still am. Some days it helps, others it doesn鈥檛. But what keeps me moving forward is the fact that I want to be able to help other people. In order to do that I need to help myself first. It wasn鈥檛 fair for me to be advocating to end the negative stigma associated with mental health when I was contributing to that stigma without even realizing it. This pushed me to end the stigma within myself first, and be accepting of the fact that I was going through a lot and I needed to open up to someone about it.
I can already see a difference in myself. Mental illness is not something anyone should be ashamed of. It is real, there are so many different types of illnesses and varying degrees, and none of it makes person weak.
We can all battle mental illness together. We can be a good friend and ask someone how they are doing. We can sit with them in silence if that鈥檚 what they need. We can listen to them and care about them and let them know we want to help them through it, that we鈥檙e here for them. They deserve to get through it. Everyone does.
We need to keep the conversation going about mental health, huddle up, and take care of one another. Let鈥檚 change what it means to be mentally tough.
Scarlett Smith is a fourth-year Nursing student and varsity soccer player for the AV俱乐部 Tiger. She is also a lead for AV俱乐部鈥檚 S (SAMHI) campus team.
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