Holidays bring good cheer and sometimes stressful exchanges.
Before sitting down for festive dinner, your checklist might include asking loved ones whether they鈥檙e vaccinated against COVID-19.
Michael Ungar, a family therapist and professor in the School of Social Work at AV俱乐部, sees no point in avoiding a topic that could put yourself and others at risk. Instead, Dr. Ungar offers tips for preserving relationships with family and friends when views over vaccine statuses collide.
For each, Dr. Ungar draws parallels to his work with 鈥減ush/pull factors鈥� used to reach people whose ideological views and actions can harm others and where prevention is the goal.
鈥淣ever forget to maintain the relationship.鈥�
With the pull factor, "what you鈥檙e doing is saying 鈥業鈥檓 vulnerable鈥�,鈥� explains Dr. Ungar, who is also Canada Research Chair in Child, Family and Community Resilience and director of the Resilience Research Centre.
鈥淎s in, 鈥楥ould you please for my sake vaccinate because I鈥檇 love to have you at the dinner table.鈥� So, it's more of a gentler, 鈥業鈥檇 like to have a relationship with you. But please don鈥檛 put me at risk in that relationship.鈥欌��
鈥淜eep yourself safe 鈥� while being kind."
Secondly, the push factor is saying 鈥溾�業 can鈥檛 take the risk of contracting a deadly disease.鈥欌��
Dr. Ungar suggests proposing an alternative. You could say, 鈥溾�橣or this year, could we do a zoom call over dinner, so that you feel part of this?鈥欌��
Dr. Ungar encourages people to ensure they are not making others feel excluded just because they鈥檙e not there. As he suggested in his recent blog post on sending a care package shows you care while keeping yourself safe. "The push is there鈥檚 got to be some limits here on reasonable social behavior and expectations of being in a community or a family,鈥� he says. 鈥淭he boundary-setting [and] kindness provides a solution to the person. There鈥檚 something they can do to actually fix this, or they have the choice to simply not show up as well.鈥�
鈥淲here there's a possibility to compromise or be understanding, show it and empathize.鈥�
Dr. Ungar thinks talking through fears about the vaccine is helpful for everyone.
鈥淎sk them where they鈥檙e getting that information from,鈥� he says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 usually better to show some tolerance and just ask people why they think what they think and to ask them to explain it to you. And just ask them if there鈥檚 any room for compromise on this, given that their decision could put you at risk and you鈥檇 like a relationship with them still. That鈥檚 very much the pull towards you factor. It鈥檚 a gentler approach that says I value you in my life.鈥�